


Internal Thoughts Exposed

by JustAnAnxiousMess



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Pre-Episode: Accepting Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26914024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnAnxiousMess/pseuds/JustAnAnxiousMess
Summary: Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts and implied self harm.
Comments: 19
Kudos: 43





	Internal Thoughts Exposed

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts and implied self harm.

Virgil sat in his room staring at the wall with his usual frown on his face. He'd been sitting in the same position for who knows how long, attempting to block out all the thoughts.

He closed his eyes with a sigh as he remembered the lyric from Trapdoor. Nothing kills a man faster than his own head.

That was truly accurate for his situation because try as he might his thoughts would always persist. Never disappearing for long if he did manage to block them out and when he couldn't, he'd resort to other means to try and distract himself.

He got to his feet, taking a step towards the bathroom to maybe try and keep the thoughts at bay with what he usually did, but he felt the familiar sensation of Thomas summoning him and took a deep breath before appearing in the real world.

He glanced around and noticed the excitement on Pattons face, the smug grin on Romans face, the irritation on Logans face and the large, overly friendly smile on Thomas's face.

"Hey there, Anxiety. We were just discussing an idea Roman had and he thought it'd be good to include you." Thomas said.

Virgil frowned, suspicious of how friendly Thomas was being. "If it's all the same I'll be going now." he muttered but found he couldn't. "What the...." he started then cut himself off as he glanced over at Patton. He wasn't going to swear in front of the only side who really liked him. Then he'd have no one.

"You've got to stay, this is a group thing." Roman exclaimed with an arrogant smile.

Virgil folded his arms in annoyance "What's this idea that the royal pain has come up with then?"

"I've found a way to convert our thoughts into writing that'll appear above our heads!" Roman announced proudly.

Virgils eyes widened but he tried to play it off. There was no way they could force him into agreeing, he'd just not take part.

"I can only do one person at a time though so we'll take it in turns." Roman admitted and clicked his fingers. "I'll go first."

A fancy looking gold font appeared above Romans head.

I'm simply magnificent, yet another brilliant idea thought up by the genius that is Prince Roman, creator extraordinaire.

Thomas suddenly asked "is Prinxiety real?"

Roman looked confused at that and the font suddenly read what the heck is Prinxiety?

"it's the name the fans created for the ship of you and Anxiety." Thomas explained.

What? Ew! The text above Romans head read before he clicked his fingers and the text stopped appearing.

"I don't remember agreeing on having questions asked while this was going on." he said in an offended tone.

While he argued with Thomas, Virgil was standing on the stairs trying to keep his breathing even as he forced back sobs. He knew Roman didn't like him but was the 'ew' really necessary?

Of course it was. Virgil was disgusting and worthless. Why would anyone like him? He didn't even like himself.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Pattons excited squeal. Above his head was a jumble of different words in a childish looking handwriting.

Oh my goodness this is amazing, I really hope that I can, oh I want cookies and I wonder if Thomas has any pizza left in the fridge. I wish I weren't allergic to cats but dogs are cute and Anxiety is kind of like a little cat so I guess I can deal with just having him instead of an adorable fur baby that makes me sneeze.

Roman clicked his fingers again so the text disappeared. "That was a lot. Does your mind really jump around like that at that speed?" he asked in surprise.

"Isn't that normal? Oh it's Logans turn next!" Patton exclaimed clapping his hands.

Logan sighed "If I must participate then go ahead."

Roman clicked his fingers and suddenly what appeared to be a long line of numbers began to materialise in a bold but clear font.

"What's going on?" Roman asked in confusion and Logan smirked. "I am reciting as many decimals of pie as possible."

"Why?" Thomas asked and the numbers slowed down slightly as Logan struggled to keep thinking of pie while coming up with an answer.

"Because my thoughts are private."

"Word association games are silly." Patton exclaimed and suddenly the text above Logan froze and words appeared.

Actually I think you'll find word association games are incredibly useful in helping widen your vocabulary and making your brain become more active and that exercise can help to increase your IQ even if just by an infinitesimal amount. Screw you Patton I used it correctly that time!

Roman clicked his fingers hurriedly and looked at Patton who had a shocked expression on his face.

"Logan? What was that last bit about?" Patton asked in a small voice.

Logan cleared his throat and tried to avoid looking at Patton as he said "I dislike being wrong and to have one of my mistakes continuously brought up is less than ideal. I suppose another way to phrase it would be it annoys and upsets me each time you mention it."

Pattons lip quivered slightly as he exclaimed "Aw Logan I'm so sorry! If you'd said something sooner I would have immediately stopped. I had no idea."

Thomas quickly decided to change the subject before Patton started crying and in turn made him cry. "It's Anxietys turn!"

Virgil looked around at them all, with wide eyes as he said "I'm not taking part, I never agreed to this."

"Come now Prince Alarming, we all did it. You can't get out of this." Roman declared and before Virgil could protest any more he clicked his fingers.

Virgil immediately shut his eyes and blocked out his thoughts as hard as he could.

"There's nothing appearing." Patton said in a confused voice.

"I believe it's because he's consciously trying to keep his mind clear. He seems very determined to not let us see his thoughts." Logan explained.

"Well I guess we'll just have to distract him so he can't keep his thoughts clear!" Roman declared.

Virgil had his eyes shut still but at Romans comment he almost lost his grip on the block. He couldn't let them see the thoughts that plagued him or they'd hate him even more.

"Anxiety what's your name?" Thomas asked and Virgil let out an irritated growl but still maintained the block.

He wished he could leave but he couldn't still which was just making everything worse. He felt trapped, surrounded by people trying to find out what he thought and if they found out they'd use it against him or call him a freak.

"Hey what are you so scared of? Scared we're going to see you thinking about something that's not edgy and your reputation will be ruined?" Roman asked from very close by and Virgil risked opening one eye to see why.

He found all of them standing around the foot of the stairs watching him.

He felt his breathing suddenly hitch and his heart started thumping. He could feel their eyes on him, judging, they were too close and there was nowhere to go, he was trapped and he could feel the block breaking which just made him panic more.

He started hyperventilating and he let out a strangled cry of "No!" before sinking to the floor, completely losing control of the block he'd placed on his mind.

Rapid thoughts in an ominous looking font suddenly appeared above his head and they were all dumbstruck at what they were reading.

Pathetic! I couldn't even handle them looking at me and now I've done it! Now they know exactly what I'm thinking! They know what a fucking freak I am! What made me think I could hide it from them? I'm so weak! I provide nothing of value to anyone and that's the truth. They all secretly know that. Just look at what Roman said, ew! That's because I'm disgusting! They'd be better off without me! I should just leave or end it! Oh god I want to die right now! Someone just end me! Please fucking kill me! Kill me! Kill me! Kill me! I want to die! Anything is better than this! Do everyone a favour and kill me!

Roman managed to click his fingers and the text disappeared.

"Anxiety?" Patton asked in a shaky voice as tears rolled down his face from what he'd read.

Anxiety didn't respond so Logan quickly jumped into action, calmly instructing him on the breathing exercise to calm himself down.

After a little while Anxiety had calmed his breathing but he remained curled in on himself, trying to hide his now tear streaked face.

"Anxiety? Kiddo?" Patton asked, placing a hand on Virgils shoulder and sniffing when he flinched.

Virgil was distraught. He didn't want to open his eyes and see their judging expressions, he could almost imagine the disgust on Romans face. He just wanted to leave.

At that thought he tried to leave and was relieved when he suddenly found himself in his room. He quickly got to his feet and locked his bedroom door just in case the others wanted to come shout at him for being so weak and useless.

He sank to the floor and started sobbing, his mind swirling with negative thoughts.


End file.
